Madness
by Sadistic Writer Alice
Summary: Poisons and experiments. Adrenaline and misconceptions. Revenge and twisted minds. Oh, how did they go mad? Chapter 8: Addict
1. Noticed!

**Author's Note: omg, what the hell is wrong with my mind? Prepare yourselves, because I was in a weird, slightly angry yet energetic mood when I wrote this. O** **h look, it's also written in first person .-.**

 **Slight AU... dark beginning to E Class**

 **Madness**

 **~ Noticed ~**

I didn't mean to get angry and yell...

I didn't intend to spill chemicals all over the counter top... And I never expected to..

Find pleasure in watching it melt... hear the cries of panic around me... watch as the teacher desperately tried to calm everyone down, sending me glares and yelling at me.

To think, a couple of little vials of liquids would cause such destruction... such chaos... Me, I never could cause much of a disturbance.. could never intimidate others, or be noticed.. but with this.. with science, and chemicals..

I was seen... feared... and I was mad.

I picked up more chemicals, and I mixed them together, watching the colors change, I looked to my fellow classmates, and moved as if to throw the contents of the beaker at them, and they all flinched back.

Serves them right. Now they know, they know all of their harmless little flinching games against me are terrifying.. I wonder, what will these chemicals do to their faces? Will it melt their flesh? Eat away at it until you can see their bones? Or will it do something worse? I want to know. I want to try.

Look, they're all trying to get out the door at once.. are they that scared? What a reaction. I'd like to put more fear in their hearts...

"Okuda-san!"

Oh, it's the Chairman, come to see what all the fuss is in Class A. Did you ever notice me before Chairman? Did you ever smile and think I did good? Ever wonder if I'd turn into a trouble maker? I bet you didn't.

You bastard. You don't care about me at all. You just care that I - no. Everybody in the damn, fucking school does better than E to study and stay on top.

Notice me now now, Chairman. Remember my face. Remember what I did to get here, how hard I worked to move from D class all the way to A. Look at how I've destroyed all of my work for your recognition.

Go ahead, suspend me.. send me to E.. write a letter to my parents... they won't read it. Not unless they know it's bad news. Because they don't ever notice me either. Not until I do something they don't like.

That's just what you do.

My parents get the letter, and they become furious with me.

They yell at me, and when they're tired of yelling they give me the cold shoulder... refuse me the right to eat, and lock the door for the evening.

I'm acknowledged, and I'm not.

It's tiring.

But when I'm in E... I will be noticed.

Someone will see me at last...

I can't wait for a new start.


	2. Too Little Too Late

**Madness**

 **~ Too Little Too Late ~**

"Don't fight it; once you're old enough you can go through a sex change. It's best to embrace your feminine side, Nagisa."

I don't remember why I let her have her way. Was it out of respect? Or was it out of fear? This woman is so desperate for a girl, why doesn't she just go ahead and adopt one? She clearly doesn't like having a son.

"You should just put on the girl's uniform instead."

"Yeah, Nagi-chan!"

"Hahaha!"

When did their teasing begin to hurt? When did I become self conscious about my outer appearance? Probably a long time ago...But I won't say anything. No. Because it's better to embrace it... Embrace it...

No.

Fuck this.

I don't want to follow all of your orders. I won't stand to hear you talk about my gender. I'm not going to act like a girl, wear my hair long or any of that useless shit. I am my own person. I am not a girl. I'm not a doll. I'm a person, and I'm going to live my life by my _own_ rules.

"Nagisa, what is the answer to this problem?" Ono sensei is staring at me expectantly.

I'm supposed to know this stuff?

"No clue." I answered coldly, standing up and leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?!"

I don't want to be here. I don't want to hear these people talk on and on about quantum physics, and whatever crap that won't be used in a normal day-to-day basis. I should disappear... cut my hair and start fresh.

I used a pocket knife borrowed from a friend, and I cut off my long hair leaving it all jagged and short, tickling at the nape of my neck. It feels good to not have heavy hair anymore..

It feels good to do something for me, not because someone told me to.

I like rebelling.

" _This_ is unacceptable!" she yells, shoving the report card in my face. "You got a 0 on your exams! You're lucky they didn't expel you!"

"That would just tarnish their reputation."

It came out as a mutter.. She didn't hear it, or probably didn't care about it. She touches my hair and scowls.

"Nagisa.. what is this?"

"It's called hair, mother."

"I don't know where this disrespectful behavior is coming from, but I don't want to hear any more of it! Go to your room. From now on I want you coming home immediately after school. Those friends of yours - get rid of them. Friends are for people who deserve them. And right now. You. Do not."

She takes away my phone and deletes all the contacts. She keeps only our house number and her cell in. She goes so far as to get rid of Dad's number. Earlier, I might have cared. Might have been upset.

But I'm not now.

After a while, you realize those so called friends are all a bunch of fakes. I was a fake. I was a doll.. someone who just did everything I was told. But now, I'm not.

Or I'd like to not be.

No matter what I do. She still manages to pull strings and keep me in line. Or maybe I just don't have the courage to step out.

The reason I always obey? It's fear. It's always been fear, hasn't it? It's clearing away all of those rebellious thoughts, erasing the slate and killing any desire for independence..

These chains around me have kept me for so long, I don't know how to escape them. When I thought to escape.. It was too little too late.


	3. Villain

**Madness**

 **~ Villain ~**

"What a loser."

"You're useless scum anyway, let's just toss you in with the rest of the garbage in the disposal."

"Don't worry, you didn't even have a future. You're part of the end class."

Those guys have been petering that senpai for a while. So annoying. What did he do anyway?

They really are going to throw him away like trash. Ugh. That does it. I have to step in now.

I toss a bottle at them, watching as it shatters upon making contact with cement, pieces flying everywhere. That's all the warning they get before I take a swing at them.

They start to yell for help, letting go of the upper classman dropping him onto the cement.

Could they have at least the decency to help him up before running?

Bastards.

"Senpai, you ok?" I ask, offering him a hand.

He flinches back and crawls away on his hands and knees.

Geez.

What am I, the villain here?

I was only trying to help.

Those guys from before opened their stupid mouths and told the teacher about me attacking them. Now he's annoyed with me. I don't see why. I was only defending my senpai. Surely he'll understand.

He doesn't understand. He gets angry, telling me how I tarnished his reputation as a teacher. He tells me I wasn't in the right at all, and that he's glad he won't have to deal with me anymore.

Funny. How everyone praised me. But once I do something they don't like..

It's like I've become an eye-sore. Why is it that whenever I do something wrong, people disappear? People stop supporting me?

The teachers.

My parents.

My classmates.

 _Everyone._

I hate it.

But I've decided to stop caring for them.

They've all made me out to be a villain, haven't they?

If a villain's what they want, then I'll become one.

Just remember, you made me who I am now.


	4. Blue Part 1

**Madness**

 **~ Blue Part 1 ~**

Blue.

The color of love and trust..

And the color of fear.

I dyed my hair from the shoulders down a powdery blue.

I want people to be afraid...

I want them to become afraid when they see me.

To remember every aspect of my being..

From the tips of my hair to the color of my eyes..

To the shoes on my feet and the needle in my hand..

I **will** be unforgettable.

Only two weeks..

Two more weeks and the suspension's up..

Have you all talked about me?

Has my name spread throughout the school?

To think that the only thing I needed to do to get recognition was threaten everyone's lives..

Bunch of spineless little-

"Hey, the light's still green!"

A hand reaches out and grabs me.

I turn my head.

Blue.

Blue eyes and blue hair..

"That was dangerous!"

He's addressing me..

Does he know me?

"So?"

I would have been noticed if I had gotten hit.

Probably would have stirred up some more gossip at school.

"You're rather reckless." he sighs.

"And you're a mama's boy following all the rules." I roll my eyes crossing the street not waiting for the light.

Again he reaches out and grabs my arm.

I glance at him and see this dark shadow over his face, his eyes piercing and deadly.

Interesting

Did I get him mad?

He chuckles and releases his grip on my arm.

Chills run down my spine.

He knows how to make impact.

"I don't follow all of the rules like you think."

He walks ahead of me, and I'm left stunned for a moment.

Whoa.

"You're not half the wimp I thought you to be."

I grin following him.

"So...Mr Blue, you have a name?"

"It's Nagisa." he answers looking confused as I follow him.

"Nagisa-kun..." I smile putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm Okuda Manami. You can call me Manami."

"O-ok, Manami-chan."

"Tell me.. do you like taking risks?"


	5. Blue Part 2

**Madness**

 **~ Blue Part 2 ~**

Large lavender eyes behind oval-shaped glasses. Pretty black hair changing to the color of the sky in waves down her back. Curved, cherry-blossom pink lips.

Danger.

"Nagisa-kun, try this." she holds a plastic cup filled with red punch to my lips.

Eyes filled with lust.

I take a small sip of the sweet drink, my eyes not leaving hers.

Danger.

She's biting her bottom lip, eyes focused intently on me.

Why did I come to her house?

She locked the door when we came in here.

Did she put something in the drink?

"How do you feel?"

Everything's becoming blurry. Chills run up and down my spine.

Danger.

"Dizzy. Cold."

"Good, good." She giggles, her voice sounds far away, and suddenly I feel something piercing my arm.

A needle?

It hurts.

But it's doing something.

Did she.. What did she do?

I shouldn't have come.

I felt it when I met her.

Something terrifying.

Intoxication.

Venom.

Fury and elation.

My visions clearing.

There's something blue in front of me. A bottle? No, a beaker.

"This is what I gave you. My own invention."

Chemicals?

Poison?

"How did it feel to almost die, Nagisa-kun?" She's put the beaker down.

Manami leans close, her face is inches from mine.

Curiosity.

Danger.

"Scary." I choke out.

"Good. I just love fear."

Her lips brush against mine for a moment, and then she draws back a smirk on her face.

"You're shaking. The second experiment hasn't even started."

I'm being controlled by this girl.

I don't like it.

But there's something exciting about this.

Adrenaline.

I can feel it coursing through my veins.

I want the thrill back.

I want to push the limits.

And risk my life like my mother would never let me do.

I can do that with Manami.

She's someone dangerous.

She can bring me to death's door, and then pull me away from it.

She's the source of my fear.

And the giver of excitement.

I want more.

Whatever that blue stuff was, I want more like it.


	6. Blood-stained lips

**Madness**

 **~ Blood-Stained Lips ~**

I've never killed anyone before.

Never even come close.

I'd always thought about it.

But never did it.

Seeing how this girl stood over him, vials in her hands, it really intrigued me. Her gaze was unwavering, filled with such anticipation and lust.

She was so sick. Twisted.

I'd never seen her before now.

This girl with the blue-dyed hair and violet eyes.

But I knew the guy she was tormenting.

"Nagisa-kun~"

He lifted up his head, blood dripping from his mouth, eyes cloudy and filled with tears to meet her gaze.

His whole body shakes.

What did she give him?

A sort of strangled sound leaves his mouth.. A needle injected into his arm.

So that's it..

He's a guinea pig, being used by the girl.

Really, a weak girl like her? If not for that sadistic smirk on her face, I wouldn't think of her as much of a threat.

Correction:

A potential ally.

"Well done."

She giggles and places a palm on the side of his face and bends down, lips touching his for a few seconds.

And then she's running up the path.

"Come on, we need to make an entrance into the classroom."

"R-right!"

Nagisa stands, and then, he turns his head towards me, eyes wide.

"Karma-kun?"

Finally I have an actual look at him.

The blood from earlier has dried on his lips. There's light puncture wounds on both arms.. There's at least seven of them and not to mention: his hair. It's cut. He must have done it himself, because it's all uneven.

"Don't bring this up if you know what's good for you."

I look back at his face.

He's become cold all of a sudden and more assertive.

I wonder what could have happened?

I wanna find out but first things first:

How to get to that girl that was with him?

She could be useful in the demise of the school.


	7. Arsenic

**A/N: It's been awhile.. a long while since I've even tried to write anything. I don't want to bore you with my life and my reasons for going on hiatus, but I will tell you it is going to be hard to write this story. It's so confusing, my notes are all long-winded and contain a lot of swear words and I think I intended to massacre all of these characters Shakespeare style? We'll see.**

 **Enjoy?**

 **Madness**

 **~ Arsenic ~**

"Morning, Ne-zu-mi."

Several pairs of eyes look my way, confusion and then..

Fear.

Well, most.

Some of them are.. agitated.

Interesting.

"Who the hell?"

"Did she call me a rat?"

"I think she's talking about the class as a whole."

"No way, so the rumor's true after all."

I wonder how the rumor spiraled.

How far is it from truth?

How much is a lie?

Do I really care? I have what I want, this cold feel to the room.. all because of my science lab destruction.

The more they talk, the more I want to toy with them.

They'll make lovely experiments..

"What's with everyone, talking behind their hands?"

A husky, low voice behind me startles me from my thoughts.

Messy red hair, and smoldering golden eyes..

Without a doubt, this boy is infamous, even I know who he is

Akabane Karma

He's got this care-free nonchalant attitude, but he's... dangerous

Too dangerous it seems,

because the room is too quiet

Impact, stronger than my own

He's looking at me, expecting me to answer

Casually sipping juice from a straw,

he hasn't even addressed the rest of the class.

He pisses me off

"Karma-kun, right?"

I bite down on my tongue, a bitter taste comes with his name.

"They're gossiping.. maybe you don't know?"

"Know what?"

Why wouldn't he know?

"Ah, maybe.. it has to do with you..?"

He sounds surprised, he really doesn't have a clue? What the hell?

I'm not good enough

Not enough to be recognized by everyone

"Seems like it."

I can't hide it, how I feel..

But I don't want to..

"You know me, but I don't think I know you."

"My name is Manami."

I've made up my mind.

I want him to see me. I want his blood to run cold, I want him as my next experiment...and

"Well then Manami-san, let's get along."

I want to kill him.. sweetly, slowly, painfully. Like arsenic.


	8. Addict

Author's Note: drabble chapter to prove to everyone that I'm not dead.

Madness

Addict

I've tasted death on my tongue eleven times. Each time more bitter than the last.

Nausea and fevers usually follow afterwards, along with the pain. Today the metallic taste of blood mixes with the bitterness.

A small part of me is screaming to stop this. But I can't.

I've come too far. I've acquired a taste for poison.

The adrenaline follows with every dose of antidote. Every kiss she grants me for surviving.

It's horrifying, exhilarating, pure ecstasy.

I didn't know before what could drive a person to become addicted to substances.

But in a horrible way I do now.

I should stop.

I won't stop.

I'll keep going.

Because it's the same for her.

This experiment is addictive.


End file.
